respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
