"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bring me that man meat
I pour the whiskey from now on
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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