Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
