Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
