Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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