I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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