I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
