I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
