just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
