and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
