dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
