Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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