you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
