She announced her abortion via fbk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
