Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
