he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
