Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
