okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
