I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My breasts were aching with rage.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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