i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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