Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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