I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
