One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm at about main and main street
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
