i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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