He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
