They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
