Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
