Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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