My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
