I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
