you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize