if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.