I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We just shotgunned beers for America
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about