in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college