Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
