Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
