She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
