She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize