The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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