i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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