ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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