Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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