we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
