I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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