I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
