How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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