i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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