I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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