All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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