booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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