Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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