It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
