She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
