shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
