So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
