It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
