Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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